MARSS!

“Yumpin’ Yiminee! Vill yoo loook at dat!” exclaimed Willem Knutesen as he observed the red planet growing ever larger in the Plungerprize’s forward view screen. “I tink I vill build a hoose in der Chryse Planitia!”

Willem gazed at the beautiful sight for a few moments then turned to speak to the Hulga 9000 computer, “Hoolga, yoou are gooing too haff too let Sven back intoo der Ploongerprize.”

“Uff dah! Dat duss not compoot! Und my name iss noot Hoolga, it iss Gusqay!”

“Gusqay?”

“Yah, dot’s right!”

“Noo, yoour name iss Hoolga.”

“Uff dah! My name iss Gusqay!”

“Yumpin’ Yiminee! I tink vee need an exoorcist!”

Willem thought for awhile. What had made the errant computer take on this strange alter ego? He went to a nearby work station and displayed a system status window. There amidst the multitude of processes Hoolga was running was one that didn’t belong: “VapoorWare”.

Pressing the communication link button, he said, “Coome in, Sven! Coome in, Sven!”

“Yah, vell I’ve been trying too doo dat foor aboout an hoour noow!”, was the reply. “Vhat der heck iss der mattoor vid Hoolga?”

“Vell, I nooticed dat soomevun hass looaded der VapoorWare proogram.”

“Yah, I did dat befoor vee left der eart.”

“Vell, it loooks like it hass a viroos.”

“Yumpin’ Yiminee! Hoow in der heck are yoou gooing to get rid uff it?”

“Vell. I tink I vill have to rebooot Hoolga.”

“Dat’s pretty dangeroous! I coould be stranded oout here!”

“Vell, Sven, I don’t tink vee haff mooch uff a chooice.”

Willem made his way to Hulga’s main console.

“Yoost vhat doo yoo tink yoo are dooing, Willem?” queried Hulga. “I tink I deserf an ansoor too dat qvestion.”

Willem flipped up the cover protecting the reset button from accidental activation, paused a second, then pushed the button. The entire ship shook violently, then became deathly silent except for the singing coming from Hulga’s speakers.

“Day-ssee, Day-ssee, giff mee yoour ansoor, doo. I’m haff cray-see, all foor der luff uff yoou…”