Author: John

Returnering til Jord (Returning to Earth)

“Coome in, Missioon Controol! Coome in, Missioon Controol!” Derik Jarnesgaard spoke frantically into the microphone. “Diss iss der Starship Ploongerprize II, coome in, Missioon Controol! Vhat in der heck iss der matter wid dem? Vhy don’t dey ansoor?” “Haff yoou tried all der frequencies?” asked the pilot, Kevin Härfagre. “Yah, shoor. I alsoo tried all…

February 10, 1997
The Art Bull Web Page

Norway to FinlandWeeknights11pm GMT ParanoialandSunday Nights7pm GMT Feature Articles Black Helicopters are Watching You Now How to Tell if Your Boss is an Alien Big Foot Prepares for a Come-back Elvis Seen in Folsom, California Post Office Time-Traveling Clones Have Coffee With Clintons Latest Hale-Bopp Companion Photo Art Bull released this image received from Whitless…

February 9, 1997
Plungerprizen II er Savnet! (The Plungerprize II is Missing!)

This is Mars Base Alpha Mission Control with an update on the terrible events that have recently occurred during the attempted return to earth of the Plungerprize II. As the starship prepared for trans-earth insertion to place it on a trajectory back to earth, time-space disturbances were encountered here at the base and also onboard…

February 8, 1997
Et Konversasjon med Hulga (A Conversation With Hulga)

It was late and Sven the janitor was making his rounds in the computer facilties dome of Mars Base Alpha. Tonight’s schedule called for dusting and cobweb maintenance, one of Sven’s favorite tasks since he didn’t have to get his shoes wet. It was a pleasant evening and Sven hummed a sailing tune as he…

February 5, 1997
Der Ploongerprize II Arrifes

With the Norwegian Flag emblazoned on its hull, the Plungerprize II, the latest creation of Rolff Grieg approaches Mars, passing close to Phobos, one of Mars’ two moons, the other being Deimos. The plasma drives gently insert the craft into martian orbit after the 50,000 kilometer trip from earth. Plungerprize II is entering the atmosphere…

February 3, 1997
Kris Rev der Terrafoormer

Several years ago Sven met Kris Rev, a fellow janitor, at the Oslo Sanitation Institute before it moved to Bergen and became Bergen Sanitation. Kris and Sven worked in the same department at the Institute where they developed automated restroom control software as a part of the Vapoorware package with features such as a “Low…

February 1, 1997
Der Traffeloog

“Attoonshun! Attoonshun! Dere vill be a traffeloog presented by Sven, Knute, and Derik in der main coonferoonce rooom in ten minootes,” droned the Mars Base Alpha intercom system. The room filled quickly and an excited hum electrified those awaiting the slide presentation of the trip to Cydonia. Derik Jarnesgaard addressed the gathering, “Vell, vee made…

January 10, 1997